Sunday, August 7, 2016

Heart over Head

Judgment statements are thinking statements. They are statements of opinion birthed from what we think someone should do or say or how we think someone should act or interpret data and facts. 

Judgments and "shoulds" are largely formed from injured expectations, meaning we project onto others how we would react or respond in a certain situation and consciously (more often,  unconsciously) and demand that behavior from others. 

This is why we instinctively pursue agreement over connection. It's the place of homogeneous thinking, feeling and behaving. Agreement creates a cocoon of false safety. 

Unconditional acceptance says I'm not them,  they aren't me. It frees others from my expectation that they would handle life the way I would. People often refrain from sharing because they fear being judged. Perfect love displaces fear. 

Feeling statements are the language of the heart. While no one is responsible for how I feel, when I hand you my feelings in conversation,  I'm handing you a sacred part of my internal world. It's the place of how the things I'm processing are affecting me. Connection happens when you hear my heart, when you hold my heart with deep regard and I respond in like manner to you. 

Feelings don't require fixing. We share how we feel to create opportunities of being known. The most valuable gift a person can give to someone who says "I feel..." is compassionate listening.

Squeeze their hand. Hug their neck. Share their pain with your own tears. Look them in the eye, silently...and listen.

I see you. I hear you. I'm with you.