Monday, January 11, 2010


From my journal: Nov. 2008 – I wrote: More than anything in the world, I love being your little girl. I love knowing that you love me. I love feeling secure in you. I love knowing that I am wanted, that you value me. Thanks, Papa. You are my Heavenly Daddy and I adore you.

I love being my Heavenly Daddy’s little girl. I didn’t have much of a childhood growing up. And one of the most fascinating things for me as I am learning to BE Abba’s little girl is watching little ones as they experience life. So today, I’d like to share a few of my observations as -



(Think about your little one when they get a boo-boo – they begin to cry and immediately, they run to mommy or daddy. “Kiss it Mommy, Kiss it.”) Interesting that as we grow and life gives us boo boos( the sibling who lied on us, the friend who betrayed us, the husband who left us, the salesman who cheated us, the broken heart) we tend to run away from our Heavenly Daddy instead of to Him. God never desires that we grow pass the point of coming to Him. Even now it’s Abba’s desire to pour His love into your heart so that all of those pains, memories, hurt feelings, and carts of baggage that we have stuffed away inside begin to rise to the surface like sediment; that you will sit at his feet and allow the pain to be poured out onto Jesus – this is why He died (Is. 53:5 He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities). God's love pours in and dislodges all the hidden pain we have stuffed inside.  This is not to cause you more pain from remembering.  We bring our boos boos to Him as our Father because He desires us to come to Him and say, “Kiss it, Daddy, Kiss it.” And, He will. When you allow the Father’s love to come upon you, His love begins to heal all of those unhealed and broken places. Prov. 23:7 says,"As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he". If you believe that your pain is too big for God then every time you get a boo boo, you will run from Him. When you begin to experience God’s love, you understand that with one kiss, He can make the pain go away. Prov. 4:23 Keep your heart with all diligence for out of it flows the issues of life.

Our adultness tells us to run away, to cover ourselves, to use fig leaves for bandages and hide. Little ones just believe that Mommy and Daddy can make it all better. They trust without question. That’s what God wants from you – to believe that He, your Heavenly Daddy can and will make it all better. He wants you to trust Him without question. Bring your boo boos to Him and let Him kiss them.


Have you ever seen a child in the park picking “flowers” for their Mommy? Oh the joy of being presented with pretty flowers for Mommy. I love life through the eyes of a little one, when even the weeds look like flowers.

What do your weeds look like? Are they beautiful and yellow? Are they strangling the life out of you? Can you look at your weeds (your circumstances) and marvel at them in the same light your little one does? God says to count it all joy when we go through various trials. Even though the storm was raging on the sea, Jesus slept while the disciples in their adultness looked at the weeds and feared greatly. Strength and courage flow from an awareness that God is with us. Challenges are an opportunity to see the bigness of God and to see the goodness of God to be demonstrated in our lives. Smile at your circumstances and declare God’s kingdom come and Father’s will to be done. The problem for some of us is that we still see God has an angry judge instead of a loving Father who cares about what we care about. But the very real truth is that God is concerned about what you are concerned about. How can I say this? When Jesus saw Mary and Martha’s grief, what did he do? Jesus wept. Why did He weep? Because He had seen His Father many times alongside His children who were grieved and weeping. How can you know that, you might ask? John 5:19 Jesus says, "the son can do nothing of himself. I only do what I see the Father doing; I only say what I hear Father saying". Too far a stretch? Try this one: "But God demonstrates His own love to us in that, while we were yet sinners Christ died for us" (Rom. 5:8). In the midst of our weeds, He has given us His peace – "My peace I give to you, My peace I leave with you, not as the world gives. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." (John 14:27) Why? Because out of your heart flows the issues of life. If your heart is troubled or full of fear, guess what your outlook on life is? God wants you to know that you can know His peace, you can walk in His peace, you can live in His peace even when the weeds threaten to overtake you. When you know the depth of His love for you, and the all surpassing greatness of His power, you can look at the weeds of your circumstances and smile. After all, they are just a beautiful bouquet of flowers.


Have you ever watched a child fall asleep? They have an amazing ability to simply lay their head on their pillow and fall fast asleep. They aren’t trying to figure out how things are going to work out for the next day, what they will wear or what they will eat. Without even thinking about it or thinking on it, they just fall asleep. Thinking about those things is the parent’s responsibility. God wants you to be like that.

Matthew 6:25-34 reads, "For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, {as to} what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, {as to} what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and {yet} your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? And who of you by being worried can add a {single} hour to his life? And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin, yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these.  But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is {alive} today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, {will He} not much more {clothe} you? You of little faith!  Do not worry then, saying, 'What will we eat?' or 'What will we drink?' or 'What will we wear for clothing?'For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.  So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. "

God wants you to know without a shadow of doubt or concern that provision is His job not yours. It is an ungodly belief to think that God helps those who help themselves. It is His great pleasure to provide for His children. The Psalmist declared no good thing will He withhold from them that walk uprightly. His desire is that we cease from striving and worry long enough to know that He is God. He will clothe us, He will feed us. Yet sometimes the issues of our hearts - lack, fear of abandonment, mistrust - prevent us from really taking the Lord at His Word…we plan, we worry, we control, we manipulate. What God really wants is to heal those places in our heart, so we can take Him at His Word and truly begin to lay our head on our pillows at night without thinking about what’s next. When did God provide manna for the children of Israel? At night, while the children were resting (see Numbers 11:9). As we rest in the Lord, He provides.

There is a beautiful picture that comes to my mind as I reflect on this; it’s the picture of me nursing my kids. As my kids would nurse, they would most often fall asleep and as they fell asleep, they would pull away from the breast with their little mouths wide open – a little milk still at the corner of their mouth and they would just rest secure and safe in my arms – sleeping and resting without a care in the world.

Ps 22:9 Yet You are He who brought me forth from the womb; You made me trust {when} upon my mother's breasts.

There is a picture in that verse that is so key in our relationship with our Heavenly Daddy. One of the names of God is El Shaddai which means, the mighty breasted One. God wants us to come to Him and receive nourishment and the rich nutrients that come from nursing at His breast. He wants us to curl up in the cradle of His arms and drink of Him. He wants to fill us to the full so like a little babe; we can lay our head back in the crook of His arm and rest, safely, securely, without a care in the world.

It’s total reliance on the Father. That’s how Jesus lived. That’s how babies live. That’s how I want to live and relate to my Heavenly Dad.

Even today as I share with you these lessons from the life of a little one, I am reminded of my own four children and how differently each one of them responds to the love that Doug and I give them. Our love is the same. We have always loved them. We have loved them from the beginning. They are the expression of the love that Doug and I share. They represent the oneness of our heartbeat and yet each responds very differently to our love: Brittany, our oldest, is very secure in our love. She’s confident. She’s funny. She’s knows who she is. She still has her issues, but she’s just Britt. She can go and be who she is because she is sure of our love. When she needs our help or advice she comes back for that but she knows that she is loved.

Our oldest son, Tre’, is the intimate, cuddly one. He is pretty much, when he’s in our presence, in our lap, hugging on us, holding our hand, bending his cheek down for a kiss. He’s 16 and he’s going through puberty, so there are plenty of times that he can be a rascal. He’s learning how to manage his freedom and what to do with the fruit of the Spirit called self control. That’s a process. He’s having a paradigm shift about his parents and as a result, his views of God as Father are changing as well.  So even though he loves intimacy, at times he is unsure about what to do with not having a punisher or an enforcer. By nature, his temperament his more black and white, so he is at home with rules. Because we don’t have a lot of hard fast rules, sometimes in the process of learning how to manage his freedom and himself, he messes up. Even though he makes wrong choices, it doesn’t change our love or how we give and show love to him. Is that hard? Very! We’re not Papa God.

Our youngest daughter, Chaya is a socially, bubbly extrovert. Her name means life and she’s very full of it. As such, she demands love. She demands attention. "Hey look at me, I’m here. Hello world, listen to me."  She reminds me of the friend in Luke 11 who kept knocking and knocking until the man got out of bed and answered. Chaya is like that, she is persistent in her demand for your attention.

Our youngest, Jeremiah is timid and unsure. He’s a natural leader, a talented actor, singer, brilliant mind yet he questions himself. Sometimes he’s not sure if it’s ok to come get a hug or a kiss. You can tell that he wants it but he’s not sure. You often find him on the outside. Once in a store, I knew he wanted something and I had purposed in my heart that I would buy it for him if he asked. You could see him look at it, he’d kind of look at me, he’d put his hands in his mouth, look back at it but he never asked. As much as I wanted to give that to him and buy it for him, because he didn’t ask, I wouldn’t give it to him.

(Sidenote: I originally wrote this almost a year ago, and I am happy to report that as Father's love has been poured into J's heart, now he will greet us with open arms and a sly smile, still a little unsure, but at least he'll come get love!).

One day as I was praying for the church and crying out to God about why people didn’t get it, why do people not have a revelation of how much You love them. God showed me my own kids and said that many of His kids are just like this:

Some, like Britt,  are confident.  They know God loves them. Because they have experienced His love and received an impartation of His love they can go and do the same works He did and even greater works. They know how to come sit at the Father’s feet and commune with Him. As such there is a confidence about them, a sense of authority.

Some are like Tre’, intimate – love to touch the heart of God, love to hold His hands and walk with Him in the cool of the day, love to curl up in His lap and just be with Him. These are the mystics – can’t get enough of God people who would choose to hang out in their secret place all day. (I admit, with Papa God, I'm more like Tre'!).

Others like Tre’s alter ego are kind of like I want this; I want to experience more of God, more of His love but are clinging to traditions, legalism, rules, enforcers, and punishers. The freedom scares them somewhat. They have so been dominated by control – either controlling or being controlled that they don’t know how enjoy the freedom of their life in Christ. Rule over me, tell me what I can and cannot do – like the children of Moses they say, no Moses you go talk to Him. Just tell us what He says for us to do and we will do it.  I'd rather have rules than relationship.  I'd rather embrace the New Old Testament than walk in the freedom grace provides.

Some are like Chaya – hey look at me, I am here. Talk to me. Pay attention to me. Jesus, I’m here. Abba, your child over here. Don’t forget me. Don’t leave me out. This is rooted is performance – striving, fear of being left out. I have to do, do, do for Father to notice me. I have to perform for love. I won’t be outdone.

Some are like Jeremiah – God so wants to bless you, He so wants to give you good things, but you have not because you ask not. You are not really sure that God is in a good mood. You are not really sure that He loves you. You are not really sure that you can trust Him. You’re not really sure that it is ok to come up and give Him a hug or give Him a kiss.

But the Father is saying to you, all that I have is yours. It’s all yours. You were mine from the beginning. Even while you were yet sinners I loved you. I have always loved you. Even now I am pouring my love on you.

1. Trust without question 2. Count it all joy; your weeds really are just beautiful flowers. 3. Provision is God’s job, not yours. 4. Total reliance on the Father.

Bring me your boo boo, let me kiss them. Let me heal them. Look at your weeds, can’t you smell the roses? Just as I endured the cross for the joy set before me, fellowship with me in your suffering and count it all joy, knowing that I have your back. I am working it all out for good. Shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace. Sleep now, little one. I will feed you. I will clothe you. Ah, yes! I love the smell of milk on your breath. You can trust in Me. You can rest safely and securely in me. I love you. You can totally rely on, adhere to and be confident in my goodness.

My child, you are the love that flows between Me and My Son. Just as my kids are the expression of love that flows from Doug and I, you are the love that flows between Abba and Jesus. The Father wants a Bride for His one and only begotten Son. The Son wants to give to the Father many more sons. The Father says to the son, here’s your betrothed. The Son says to the Father, here are your sons. And you are that expression of love. In this upside down kingdom, only through the heart, the faith, and the eyes of a child can you see and grasp this wonderful, simple expression of love.

Except you become as little children, you will be no means enter the kingdom of heaven. (Matt. 18:3)

It’s time to become young again. Being childlike is how we mature in God’s kingdom.

Perhaps some of you have a boo boo that you need your Heavenly Dad to heal. Others of you may need the Lord to shift your perspective so you can begin to see your circumstances as the beautiful flowers they are. Perhaps you need the Lord’s peace or an impartation of His joy to do that. Others of you have been wrestling in your own strength to be provision, to make provision, to figure it all out. Today God wants you to trust Him, to come to a place of rest. Freedom from anxiety and worry, provision is His job, not yours. For others, you have been relying on yourself, your spouse, your parents, your friends, but not on God. God wants to give you a grace today to be able to fully rely on Him.

Keep that milk breath!

©2009 Felicia Murrell


Where the clouds kiss the sea and the line between the two blur, in that space of time, all that I know, all that I long for fades away.  Only one desire is clear, only one yearning rises to the heart longs for You.  In that secret place, in that quiet place, all that I am fades away.  All that is left is a longing to be set at one with You.  To anticipate, to experience, to draw from Your very breath.

Who are You that men would so yearn for You?  Who are You that men would die for You?  Who are You that You would cause one to fully abandon everything else and so completely say yes to You?


Lord of All, Maker of Heaven and Earth.  Creator.  Potter.  Repairer of the Breech.  Fixer of All things broken.  The Divine.  The Reality.  I AM.

Before time was I AM.  When time ends, I AM.

If You are, then who am I?  In what way am I most aquainted with You?  In what way do I know the least about You?  What area of my life do I desire to upgrade?  What area do I desire most for You to reveal Yourself to me?

Oh to gaze upon Your Face, to behold Your Beauty.  What I've longed for more than anything is True Friendship and a Dad who Loves me, who tells me He loves me and knows how to show love to me. 

Are You the One?  Are You the One I've longed for all of my life?  Can I run to You? Can I trust with all of me?  Can I trust You with my secrets, my fears, my dreams? Can I trust You with my future, my hopes, my desires?  Can I trust You to be there when I am lonely?  Can I really trust You? Oh, how I long to trust You.

How do I begin to fathom Your nature and all that You are?  "Look upon me and you will see.  What do you see?" 

I see that You are good. 
You are love. 
You are righteousness. 
You are BIG. 
You are PEACE. 
You are JOY. 
You are PATIENT. 
You are PERFECT. 
You are the FULNESS OF LIFE. 
One God - yet three distinct persons.

Yes, Daughter.  I AM.  Now, look into my eyes.  Who are you?  "Who am I?"  Yes, in Me, who are you?

I am the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus.
I am a kingdom carrier.
I am chosen by God to see His goodness in the land of the living.
I am the head and not the tail.
I am alive in Christ.
I am Christ's ambassador.
I am an alien to this world.
I am an overcomer.
I am a King's Kid.
I am a joint heir with Jesus Christ.
I am seated in heavenly places.
I am a royal priesthood.
I am a holy nation.
I am a city set apart on a hill.
I am Abba's love child.
I am a daughter of Abba, the Most High God.
I am God's chosen.
I am Abba's favorite one.
I am the apple of Abba's eye.
I am Abba's delight.
I am the first and not the last.
I am equipped for every good work.
I am the Bride of Christ.
I am Papa God's happy thought.
I am quieted with His love.
I am empowered by Holy Spirit.
I am called to subdue the earth and rule over it.

Indeed you are, my child.  Indeed you are.

©2009 Felicia Murrell

Ode To The One I Love

Cast away the heaviness
Light the embers in my soul
Draw me to Thy well
Where Thou Living Waters Make Me Whole
Light of the World
Cause the darkness to flee
Into the depths of my heart plunge
To cleanse e'er iniquity
Draw me to the feet of Jesus
Pour on Your Love and Oil
Settle e'er anxiety, fear, and worry
The tempest waves no longer roll
My heart is free to serve you
To live in the center of your will
Draw me nearer, Dear Lord
At your cross, my flesh doth kill
As the sun sets on a long day
So your blood set upon my heart
Covering with mercy every sin, deed, and thought
No longer an old man
I walk in the new
Filled with your Spirit
The Love on my heart thick as dew
Draw me Dear Saviour
To Your Feet do I run
Dad desires to celebrate
the return of His son
Home I come
Free from shame
Free from wordly yoke & bondages of sin
Into the chamber of your heart
Do I enter in
Hid in a place honed only for me
Saved by Grace
My judgement paid on a cross at Calvary
To live life less than one of victory
Cheapens the blood Christ shed for me
The heaviness is gone!
The fog is lifted!
To the bosom of my Father my life has drifted.

©2009 Felicia Murrell

What Fear Taught Me

For the past few months, my husband and I have been walking through a potentially fearful situation.  We decided not to share the trial with anyone and just trust the Lord that His goodness and mercy would prevail.  Though we are still walking through the situation, I've reached a breakthrough.

For many days and nights as I rehearsed what if scenarios in my head, fear gripped me.  I had racing thoughts, I was tormented with fitful sleeping, and could not experience the shalom of heaven which I normally walk in.

One of my life's verses is 1 John 4:18 - "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment and the one who fears is not perfected in love."

In the last few months, fear has taught me a few life lessons that I never want to lose or have to learn again.

Fear prevents me from giving.
Fear prevents me from living. 
Fear prevents me from loving. 
Fear prevents me from doing. 
Fear handicaps me and boxes me in on all sides.

My Abba, my Heavenly Daddy is perfect love.  To the degree that I am filled with and consumed by His love, fear has no place in me because perfect love casts out or displaces fear.  Fear has taught me that the converse is also true.  To the degree that I am filled with and consumed by fear, God's love has no place in me.  Fear and Agape love cannot exist in the same place at the same time.  It's impossible.

One day, while my daughter was home on a college break, she greeted me as my car pulled in to the garage.  There was no sparkle in my eye, my face was tautly set, and all I could think about was, "Someone had better washed up those dishes."  Fear takes your joy away and quickly leads to offense.  She jokingly said," You're suppose to smile when you come home."  Another time, she came into the kitchen and she looked at me and said, "Why are you judging me with your eyes?"  To which I replied, "I am not." But the truth was, I absolutely was judging her outfit.  Fear produces a critical and judgmental spirit.  Fear was sucking life from me.

I love the way Holy Spirit can use the people in our lives to reach us.  A few days before she was to return to school, I realized that fear had robbed me of fun times with her while she was home.  Fear had displaced the love that exudes from me as an overflow of receiving Papa God's love.  Fear had turned me into a somber grinch.

A few days ago, as I was reading my Bible, Holy Spirit showed me something wonderful that I had never seen before.  As I read Genesis 3, I realized that though Adam and Eve had sight, they were also "blind".  In Genesis 3: 6, it says "When the woman saw..." so she was seeing but in verse 7 of that same chapter, it says, "Then the eyes of both of them were opened..."   Until they chose to heed the voice of Satan and partake of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, they were never to "see" evil.  Their eyes were only open to that which was good, that which was lovely, that which was pure.  In fact, God later says in verse 22, "the man has become like one of Us knowing good and evil."  It was never Abba's intent for us to "see" the evil around us, to "know" (experience) evil.  It was never His intent to know that we were uncovered because He was our covering.  Love covers.  It wasn't until they ate of the fruit that Adam and Eve looked upon each other and "saw" that they were naked and were ashamed.  Fear produces shame.

Indeed it is true, Love covers.  And through the blood of Jesus Christ, we have been redeemed and restored to that place of fellowship and relationship with our Heavenly Daddy, Jesus, and Holy Spirit.  He has covered us in His blood and placed on us a robe of righteousness.  It's our right to be "blind" to the evil around us; to see only that which is good.  Sounds like Utopia? Perhaps.  But even Peter stayed on top of the water as long as his eyes remained fixed on Jesus - that which is good.  The minute he began to look around, he started to sink. 

Another life lesson I learned from fear, as long as I look around I sink into a pit of misery, depression, discouragement, and disbelief.  When I choose to lock my eyes into the gaze of my Heavenly Daddy and fix my eyes on the author and finisher of my faith, I can lean into His goodness, trust in His grace, rest in His love and keep walking forward.

We each have our own Garden of Eden in Christ, a secret place where we can run and be with Him.  A place where we are safe, a place where we are hid, "blind" if you will, tucked away from the snare of the evil one.  The Bible says, "The name of the Lord is a strong tower.  The righteous run into it and are safe."

When I enter that place of rest, the place of green pastures and still waters that He leads me to, the enemy can come near me, but He can't touch me.  David says it like this, "He prepares a table before me in the presence of my enemies."  When my eyes are fixed on the One who is my Protector, my Provider, my Strong Tower, all I see is Him and His goodness, His glory.  I am "blind" to the evil one, the only thing I see is the recompense of the wicked (Ps. 91: 8).  Though I am not ignorant of his schemes or his devices, I allow rest to be my weapon, faith to be my shield and the Word of God to be my sword.  I run into the arms of my Heavenly Daddy.  I allow His love to displace my fear.

Fear taught me that when I lend myself to it, I give it my power.  I give it authority in my life.  And when I give my power and authority to the one who has no power, he begins to use my reactions to fear to gain power over my life.  Pretty soon, I find myself depressed, despondent, discouraged, and echoing his own words, "Hath God said?"

Yes, God did say! God said He was for me. He said He was more than the whole world against me.  He said I would have trouble in this world, but He has overcome the world! He said He would never leave me or foresake me.  He said He has arrived to live among me.  He said His thoughts about me are greater than the grains of sand.  He said He has etched my name in the palm of His hand.  I am always before Him.  He said He would not leave me as an orphan and that He would come to me.

So, do I act out of fear? Or do I choose to stand on what He said? Fear taught me, that to choose fear is to allow the devil to set the agenda.  When I understand my identity, who I am and whose I am, Romans 8: 35-39 becomes alive in my heart. " Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?  Shall tribulation or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?...But in all these things, we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us.  For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Indeed it is true, Perfect Love casts out fear.  Fear has taught me that every person, even one who walks in the shalom of heaven, is capable of reacting in fear if you feed your heart on the wrong thing long enough.

Fear has taught me that if I give in to it, I will not be perfected in the love of God.  In the words of the wonderful Hillsong song,  "I will exalt thee.  I will not fear.  He shall go with me.  I will not fear."

Thank you Abba for loving me enough to draw me into my secret place so you could fill me with your perfect love and displace the fear that was consuming me.  Thank you Pastor Bill for having a word in season for BSSM that spoke right to the heart of this situation as we are walking through it.  Many of the thoughts I have echoed here come from the teachings of Holy Spirit and Bill Johnson.

©2010 Felicia Murrell