Do Good. Get Good. Right?

Spending my teenage years with a mom entrenched in prayer, enthralled by rebuking, binding and casting out demons, I’ve always sat on the fringe of inner healing and deliverance ministry.

As a young married couple in church leadership, our pastor asked all cell leaders to go through Issue Focus RTF (Restoring the Foundations) and be trained in it so that we could use it for crisis situations in our small groups. Great idea. Perhaps not so much if you, the leader, are still very much broken and fractured yourself, but a great idea nevertheless.

As life evolved for me and I encountered the love of my Heavenly Father, I found myself being constantly challenged by Truth (Jesus, see John 14:6) to allow Holy Spirit who is the Spirit of Truth to bring Truth to every area of my heart and dismantle the stronghold of deception that I had ensconced myself within.

In my quiet time, He would set before me lies I believed. Some I’d formed on my own.  Others I’d swallowed like a catfish along with every other word a pastor spoke from his pulpit, taking his theology and making it my own without ever examining it with Father, Jesus and Holy Spirit to discern if it was actually true or just what the person speaking believed to be true.

Finding great freedom and liberation through RTF and other inner healing and deliverance modalities, I began to study and then implement several tools in my own inner healing ministry.

In the past few years, one common thread I saw in many of the ministry receivers that sat before me was this notion of transaction. I know for a fact that it’s subtle and most, if not all, do not even realize they have placed this condition upon their relationship with God but it exists all the same. And I believe it is wreaking havoc in the very foundation of trust and our ability to receive the love of God that transforms our hearts and lives.

I’ve seen many clients longing to have a baby, hoping to get married, dreaming of being a world changer, a Heidi Baker, a Bill Johnson….you name it. The dream, the hope, the desire of their heart is huge, weighty, lofty. And there’s nothing at all wrong with that.

Until the client begins to say, “I’ve kept myself pure. I’ve followed all the rules. I’ve given up my life to serve Him. I’ve done everything He’s asked of me and then some. I’ve did this... I’ve did that… I haven’t sinned. I’m not out there whoremonging.” And so on and so forth.

At the root of that diatribe of the heart lies an injured expectation that I did this for God so I expect Him to do that.  Tit for tat. You pay for my lunch today. I’ll buy your lunch tomorrow. You scratch my back. I’ll scratch yours. You do for me. I’ll do for you. This is a transactional relationship based on conditions. 

I did this...now you do that. I gave myself to your rules, to your service now you give me my heart's desire. It's how most people do life, tit for tat. And then we project that way of life onto God - full of transactions and conditions. Only, when God doesn’t respond the way we think He should, we end up mad, bitter, offended and angry at God. Determining in our hearts that He’s untrustworthy or we bury our true feelings under a whole bunch of verbose Christianese while we live in an absence of peace - discontent and discouraged.

When hope fades, it's because we are believing a lie or because we've placed our hope in an object not the Source. He is the God of hope who fills us with ALL joy and peace in believing (Romans 15:13). If there is no peace or joy, it’s highly likely we have misplaced our hope from its Source onto an object. 

Am I doing good because I expect to be rewarded for my performance? Am I doing this because I want something in return? Often, we say no with our mouths.  But at the root of our motivation to do good, the answer is yes, we do. I do good. You do good by me. Conditional. Transactional.

Is it wrong to expect good while doing good? Should we not have any expectations?  I think the more valid question would be, what is motivating my doing good? Is it love or the expectation of reward? Am I choosing to do good because it’s the right thing to do, the good thing? Did I make this choice based on the fruit of the knowledge of the tree of good and evil or the tree of life?

Every choice from the tree of life is rooted in love, motivated by love. Every choice made from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil takes a side. I’m choosing to do something based on whether it’s right or wrong and often I have equated my being blessed or favored to my choosing the right thing (the good thing).

In my opinion, expectations lead to performance and control. Paul Young, author of The Shack, says it best, “Expectations are one of the dominant ways in which we attempt to control life, relationships and God. Expectations are largely disappointments waiting to happen. Expectations are all about doing...about performance.”

As one friend pointed out today, even as children we are taught, “Do good and get a reward.” 

So the logic follows, I’ve done good. I’ve kept myself. Now I should be rewarded with marriage, with children. Then for whatever reason, that doesn’t happen.  Or a woman keeps herself pure, gets married with the expectation that her arms and quiver will be filled with little ones. But for whatever reason, that doesn’t happen. Or someone gives up everything to embrace the call of God on their life. Then for whatever reason, nothing becomes of it – at least in their mind or by their standards. 

Think back to the initial poured out complaint before God that I listed as a diatribe when I began, it’s full of I statements which reflect self-righteousness, self-effort and done/did/doing/didn’t verbs which reflect performance. This is what we were taught as kids, but it is steeped in a performance theology where I have to perform for love, perform for acceptance, perform for rewards. We have learned to live conditionally or transactionally which eliminates the need to live relationally. And sadly, many adults today are still living by rules, conditions and transactions in lieu of relationship – with God and with each other. 

When our choices are rooted in the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, our inside world feels the fruit of those choices. If the outcome is good, we’re happy. If the outcome is not what we expected, we live in the discontentment of negative emotions. Being swayed to and fro based on the outcome of what we expected to happen, coming to ill formed conclusions such as, “well since good isn't happening, God must be evil ... or at least He's evil towards me. He doesn't take an interest in me...He isn’t for me. I can’t trust Him.”  Up and down in our emotions like a roller coaster ride. 

On and on our negative emotions swirl and roar within us bringing us to a place of agreement with the evil one and handing over our power and the victory Jesus has won for us to him.

Discontentment will always cause us to see what we don't have. Living through the tree of the knowledge of good and evil creates corrupted wisdom. It is not pure. God never meant for us to eat of that tree and yet the fruit of it still provides the very substance of our meals thousands of years later. 

The truth is...He has brought you to His banqueting table and His banner over you is love. He came that you might have life and life to the full. Constancy only exists in Tree of Life living. Tree of Life living says, “What would love do? How do I love myself? Where is Love (God) loving me right now? How is He showing up in my life?” Love is so full. It overflows with life. It's too big for us to see cracks and voids...

Abba loves us unconditionally. He gives to us because generosity is a part of His nature. Truly, He does not withhold good from us. Delay and unfulfillment doesn’t mean He is punishing you. Hebrews 11:13, “All these died in faith, without receiving the promises, but having seen them and having welcomed them from a distance, and having confessed that they were strangers and exiles on the earth…” Romans 14:23, “...and whatever is not from faith is sin.”

Many heroes of the faith in Hebrews 11 died before they received the fulfillment of their promises in this realm. But don’t miss the fact that they saw them and even welcomed them into their hearts. So why do we, when delay happens begin to live as people with no hope getting angry and bitter, giving up on trusting God? Why do we believe that promises, destiny and prophetic words die if we are people of eternal life?? We go to sleep here in a world where we are strangers and exiles. We don't die. I so want to give this truth away to others in way that restores hope and brings life and joy and peace. 

Dear friend, your delay is not only heart wrenching to you, it is also heart wrenching to Him. He is not in His sovereignty blocking your heart’s desires. Even while serving Him on the surface, many have pushed Him away in their hearts. It is indeed just that, a life of servitude like master to slave living as a useful tool in the Kingdom of God. This is not your destiny. You have been summoned by the King to feast at His table and His banner over you His love. 

I bless you today to not lose heart while doing good. I bless you to not grow weary of doing good. I bless you to be like Jesus, to go about doing good and healing all who are oppressed of the devil, for God is with you. I bless you to do good from a place of wholeness and love. May your heart be at rest in Him today.

.

Duality

This morning as I was praying, I was overwhelmed with anger at just how jacked up the thought processes and beliefs of the religious mind are. And how rampant and invasive these thoughts are in shaping society.

Here's one: most Christians believe that unbelievers have to go through some kind of darkness, torment or destruction for them to find God. Often praying, "God make their life a living hell until they repent. Do whatever it takes to make them turn to you." Prayers and beliefs like these are so WARPED.

Not realizing we are introducing people to the G-O-D of our religious paradigm. A God who has to be served; a vindictive, angry G-O-D who is so impotent He'll use evil and destruction to get people to turn to Him. Is this really who God is?? I think not.

Romans 2 says it is the kindness of God that leads to repentance. Psalm 23:6 says "Surely goodness and lovingkindness will follow me all the days of my life, And I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever." That word follow means to chase like a dog, to ardently pursue. It is the Father's bounty and His kind intentions that chase us down and lead us to change our mind for the better about who God is.

We see God with the eyes of our heart not through the pain and turmoil of life's realities. Pray that unbelievers will encounter God's love, yes. But also pray that through the Holy Spirit, people in places of influence, preachers in pulpits, speakers with mics in their hands, authors with pens would encounter Truth and Truth would lead them all the way home to His Father.

George McDonald once said, “Good souls many will one day be horrified at the things they now believe of God.” It's time to tear down the G-O-D paradigm and demolish the high places that the religious spirit has established. Papa is standing in the door of our shacks, looking out on all of His kids and His heart is beating with profound love for us to get it, for us to see Him as He really is. We are all Mackenzie’s. And just as Papa said to Mack in the book, The Shack, today Papa still says, “I’m not who you think I am, Mackenzie.”

I bless you today to see Him as He really is. I bless you to experience His goodness and His kind intentions towards you. I bless you, in all things: speech, thought, life to be an accurate display of His splendor in the earth. May you fully comprehend the depth of His love that beckons you into relationship with Him.

"We Are Marshall"

“We Are Marshall”

Lately Papa has been speaking to me a lot about conformity. What is it about our psyche that longs to be a part of a collective whole? Longs to fit in, to have a group to identify with, a tribe to run with, a pack?

Conformity is a type of social influence involving a change in belief or behavior in order to fit in with a group. It’s an action in accordance with some specified standard or authority.

One only has to take a glimpse at our society to see conformity everywhere. I’m republican. I’m a democrat. I’m libertarian. I’m pro-choice. I’m pro-life. I’m Protestant. I’m Catholic. I’m Lutheran. I’m a Calvinist. To claim my place in any of these camps immediately identifies me with a party line, a belief system, an ideology. “And what’s so wrong with that,” one might ask.

What is wrong with that? Or… is there something inherently woven into our DNA that calls us to the idea of being a part of something bigger than ourselves? I think the answer lies in the middle and the extremes have been a huge detriment to our society and continue to perpetuate a great disservice to mankind.

When I embrace a conformity-based system, I inherently lose my own personal voice and opinion to the party line. Even if I differ in my opinion, personal beliefs, and thought process, for the sake of appearances, I am going to say what the party says and do what the party does. My freedom is lost as a result of my choice to conform.

The danger of conformity is that it’s easy to become a parrot instead of a thinker. As a Christian, I’ve seen this often in Christian circles. We speak Christianese and tout Christian phrases and idioms. Often without examining what they mean or even more importantly, if we actually believe and agree with what we’re saying. Am I conforming to the language of my party or do I truly believe this? If you were to slice me open, step on my toe, put me in an extreme situation, at the core of who I am – what would rise to the surface? If my default response and belief is not the phrases I’m parroting then I’m not being true to myself. I’m simply conforming to fit in and be accepted.

Conformity exists because it gives us a comfort zone. Essentially, it makes us feel safe. I remember once a church leader telling my husband and I that he needed his elders to think like him. His need mimics a very real heart cry in our society. The fear of being different has created polarization, cliques, sects, perpetuated racism, sexism, and classism and limited healthy dialogue.

I’m guilty of this and I know it. It was actually inside of my own parenting and His that God began to speak to me about conformity. Doug and I have four beautifully, brilliant kids. We call our family, Murrell Tribe. During our kid’s formative years, we proudly displayed our family’s coat of arms in the playroom and chanted our family slogan, “We are the Murrell’s. We stand for honesty, integrity and service. We are HIS and He is Jesus Christ.”

Often as our kids would leave the home for social events and outings, you could catch either Doug or I looking one of the kids in their eyes and parroting the parental line, “You’re a Murrell. Remember who you are and what we stand for.”

One day in my quiet time, Papa God brought this back to my mind and Holy Spirit asked me, “Felicia, what happens if one of your kids decides they no longer want to stand for honesty, integrity or service? Do they stop being Murrell’s?”

Startled by the inquisition, I pondered. Then I answered, “No, they will also be Murrell’s.” To which He replied, “this is the downfall of conformity. It requires you to act a certain way, perform certain tasks, believe certain things to be accepted that may be completely at odds with who you truly are.” Quietly, I continued to listen and He continued, “Man has been created in Our image and Our likeness. Often you all say, ‘when you see the Three, you see One and to see One is to see Three,’ and there is truth to that. Father, Jesus and I are separate, unique and intimately distinct. We live in complete submission to one another. There is love, delight, mutual affection and togetherness amongst the three of us. But Father has never asked Me to be Him. Who I am is distinctly different from who Father is and who Jesus is. Without any One of us though, the circle would be broken. There would be lack. And we feel in Our hearts the same about you.”

“To conform is to act or appear a certain way to be like someone else. It’s when you change what you believe to what someone else believes to fit in. Most people don’t realize they are conforming because the heart longs to fit. Everyone was created with a sense of longing to discover home.” I paused to digest this truth encounter.

I then asked, “If we were created to be like Jesus, what’s the difference between conforming and being transformed?” Holy Spirit replied, “Conforming is something man does. It is an outward change, a cover up of one’s true self. Transformation is God bred from the inside and generates a whole new man. Transformation is your agreement body, soul and spirit with Father’s identity and DNA code that He knit into you from the beginning of time. It’s simply you becoming whom you were created to be.”

Not wanting to miss the depth of what Spirit was teaching me, I asked Him to continue. Holy Spirit said, “The evil one has caused mankind to fear individuality. And yet, there is a longing in the hearts of men to be individuals, to be seen and to be known. We placed that there. This is the stirring of relationships. This is the invitation to enter our circle of togetherness, mutual affection, delight and love.”

Where there is love, there is respect. Where there is love, there is honor. Where there is love, there is freedom.  It is love that breeds life and love that gives people permission to be uniquely them. Love says you don’t have to believe like I do to be accepted by me. Love says you don’t have to think like I do or do the same things I do or live your life the way I live mine to be accepted by me. Love allows me to love the person in front of me void of any demands of conformity. Love says I don’t need you to be like me to feel safe with you.

I’m challenged everyday in my living this out. I want to give my kids a sense of identity, a sense of belonging. But I realize that the only life giving, fruit-bearing connection I can hand them is to connect them to Father, Jesus and Holy Spirit. It is Father who gives identity to each one of us individually. It is Father, who so loves our uniqueness that He created several stars, different colors, random shades of skin, two genders. Just as random stars grouped together form constellations and multiple hues of color form a rainbow, in the collective whole, there is distinct individuality. And yet together in our unity, we create a spectacular display of His splendor.

Contrast my parenting as described above with that of Father God. Jesus was so uniquely Him. So much so, that He deeply offended the religious right of His day. They were angry to the point of murder, wanting to crucify One so starkly different and individual. But what a picture of freedom, of permission to be unique, of what it looks like to love the person in front of you even if they aren’t like you or have the same values as you. This is the Son Papa created. This is the Son in whose image you and I are created. And this is the tribe I want to be connected to: Father, Son and Spirit, the tribe of the free, the tribe of love.

Tis true that we all have been created to be a part of something greater than ourselves. But that something isn’t any man made system that exists in our society. Form over function is like choosing façade over appearance. Zoe, the God kind of life only flows through Agape, unconditional love. We have all been created to be in relationship with Father, Jesus and Holy Spirit. In that relationship, conformity is not demanded or required. In that relationship is limitless freedom and abounding love.

Raising Daniel or Raising Cain?

Charisma has an article today from someone who used to be one of Obama's bodyguards. The headline reads, "It's worse than anyone thought." 

Admittedly, I didn't read this article. But scrolling through and seeing the title, my heart had one thought - If it's worse, then it's a great opportunity for the believers close to him to be Daniel to a perceived "Nebuchadnezzar". 

We (believers corporately) are living in the hour of great opportunity and yet we persist to talk rather than declare, slander rather than love. The evil one has become our (unbelieving believers) ally in the name of God. 

Interesting that gold miners never stopped to "bash" the dirt while digging for gold. They just tossed it aside as fast as they could with a laser focus that was intent on discovering gold.  

This is an hour of opportunity. We can keep staring at dirt covered people, caked in worms and debris and cry foul, partnering with the adversary to point out every problem. Or like the extravagant Father who buried his face into the skin of a son who'd spent days in a pig sty kissing him repeatedly, we can pursue the dirty with love and offer them safe passage home. 

When it comes to politics, believers are often like cats with claws, viciously scratching up and tearing down everything and everyone that holds a view opposing to their beliefs of pro life, death sentence, gun control, welfare and taxes. When did the issues outweigh loving people? 

Like the elder brother pissed off that the younger son freely chose a differently lifestyle, we make a list of every negative thought, action, belief and voting record of the perceived younger son. 

Again I ask, where are the Daniel's who will arise and serve the demonic with honor, with love, with great compassion (see Dan. 2 & Dan. 4)? 

Father's love is so transformative. It allows us the freedom to be ok with people who are not like us. It allows us the freedom to love people without needing to convince them to change and be like us. When love wholly woos us and transforms us, we become convinced that love can do what debate, fear and slander never will. Love is enough because God is enough and God is love. Love isn't passive, sloppy or weak. Love is kind. Love is full of chesed (mercy). 

At the root of both the religious and political spirit is fear. How many times have we heard it said, "I'm afraid of what will happen to us if "this man" - not even worthy of the honor of being called "President" - remains in office?" "I'm afraid that people are sleeping on the issues. They don't really know. I've got to wan them. I've got to tell them. I've got to convince them that this guy I out to hurt us, destroy us! Impeach him! Impeach him!"  And so the heart filled with fear rants and rages, isolates and ostracizes. And all of that fear - Fear of what will happen to my country, my money. Fear of what will happen to people if they have too much freedom, if they aren't controlled and "directed" - becomes the motivation for our discourse, in the name of God, of course, instead of love. Perfect love casts out fear. 

Let me encourage you today, set aside your political agenda for one moment. Take your colored lenses off. Take a deep breath and ask Holy Spirit these two questions: 1) Holy Spirit, how would you like me to partner with you in praying for our president (mayor, congressman, governor) today? 2) How would you like me to direct my words, my prayers to declare a heaven filled solution to our world (name of your city, our government - local, state and federal) today? 

UNCONDITIONAL ACCEPTANCE

When I was growing up, we had to clean the way my mom cleaned. If it wasn't done the exact way she would do it, we got in trouble.

Because that was my normal, I began to raise my kids in like manner. They had to clean the way I would do it or I would rant and rage and still nothing was solved.

One day, Holy Spirit asked me, "Is your objective for them to clean or to clean like you?" I want it clean, I replied. OK, but their clean isn't your clean because they are different than you.

It would be one of my first lessons in unconditional acceptance. Unconditional acceptance is the foundation of every healthy relationship. Unconditional acceptance says you get to be you and I get to be me. I'm not trying to change you to be like me. If you don't have the freedom to fully be you in a relationship, it's not healthy.

With that foundation in place, when we communicate, we do so from the goal of 1) protecting our intimate connection and 2) seeking to understand.

An intimate connection implies "into me you see" (intimacy). We are tied together by the sharing of our hearts. I get to see inside the real you because you feel safe enough to be vulnerable and transparent with me.

Understanding simply means I am afforded the opportunity to stand under your perspective. Because, remember, I'm different than you. I don't clean like you. I don't process like you. I don't see things the same way you do.

Just because I understand where you're coming from, doesn't necessarily mean I agree with you because...we're different. And inside a healthy relationship, agreement isn't expected because its not the goal.

I've learn now to really stop and listen with the goal of understanding. I love it when my husband says, I didn't see it that way or I didn't take it that way. It's a clue for me that an opportunity to seek understanding is right in front of me. To which I respond, "OK, tell me what you saw or tell me what you heard."

Often, like a puzzle taking shape, his perspective adds another layer of clarity to the full picture.

The lesson I've learned and one I feel compelled to break off and share: if I only teach my kids to do exactly what I've done, I will miss out on the best of who they are because I'll be excluding their uniqueness from the landscape of life. If I only listen with the goal of defending my position or getting someone to come into agreement with what I believe, I will miss out on the uniqueness of their perspective and what they bring to the table.

For today, put on the gift of understanding and give the gift of unconditional acceptance to those around you.

I bless your spirit to fully see the gifts that are in front of you and to behold the beauty that is His creation.

*creds to Danny Silk for his relationship series. It's shaped a lot of my perspective. www.lovingonpurpose.com

METHOD OF MODERN LOVE

1 John 4:7-8 (MSG) "My beloved friends let us continue to love each other since love comes from God. Everyone who loves is born of God and experiences a relationship with God. The person who refuses to love doesn't know the first thing about God, because God is love—so you can't know him if you don't love."

Love is so much more than a pasted on smile and a cheesy Christian greeting offered in passing. Love is so much more than feeding the hungry at Thanksgiving or clinking a few coins in the Salvation Army bucket at Christmas. Love is so much more than words without feeling tacked on to the end of goodbye.

To love is to see inside someone and affirm the essence of who they are. To love is to serve. To love is to embrace. To love is to spend time in a dynamic life exchange. To love is to give. To love is to re-present Jesus and His Father to those around us.

To love is to recognize that we are all different and because of that difference, we all have a "unique to you" expression of demonstrating love. For some, that expression looks like championing the cause of the pro-life movement. For others, it may look like rescuing women and children from the horrors of human trafficking. Still for others it may look like staying at home to mother their young or joining the police force to bring safety and justice for all. A teacher educating young hearts. An attorney defending her client judicially. An actress illuminating the stage and warming hearts with her gift of entertainment. All unique expressions of love demonstrated to the world around us. All re-presenting an attribute of a Father in Heaven and His only begotten Son who loves you.

Father God is so multifaceted in who He is, it's no wonder we all get to be different in our expression of who we are. And yet at the core, the common uniting factor is love. God is kind. God is good. God is just. God is nurturing. God is a teacher. God is joyful. And yet at the center remains His essence, God is love. How we give love to the world should mirror who God is because as He is, so are we in this world (1 John 4:17).

Because we can't give away what we don't have, our loving others comes out of our personal experience of God loving us. To love others is to experience God. Love looks like compassion when we care for the hurting. Love looks like affirmation when we encourage the discouraged. Love looks like provision when we give to those in need. Love looks like honor when we embrace the treasure of another human being. Love looks like peace when we offer a listening ear or a comforting hand to a frantic soul.

What about you? Are you loving well? Can you articulate what your love looks like? How do you demonstrate your unique to you expression of love to those around you?  How are you re-presenting God to those in your sphere of influence? 

©2012  Felicia Murrell

What Family Really Is

Paul say in Eph. 3:14-15, “For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name.”  Heaven on earth is a family business. Among the Godhead, there is absolute trust, absolute love, absolute honor and absolute freedom to be who they are.  Every family on earth has at its core, the Father’s DNA. 

The strength of the family lies in its foundation. The foundation of family is unconditional acceptance. It is the place where you get to be fully you and I get to be fully me. The family is the place of vulnerability.  I am safe to be myself.  In the family, everyone has a voice.  My opinion matters, not just the opinion of mom and dad.  My feelings count.

Families are to be established on the principles of 1) love 2) honor 3) responsibility 4) truth 5) faith 6) vision 7) integrity.

The family is the place where we learn freedom.  

The family is the place where we learn to communicate to others what we are going to do and do it. The family is the place to learn to effectively communicate what is going on in the inside of us by sharing what we need and what we feel in an atmosphere of safety that has been cultivated in a culture of honor. 

The family is the place where we learn that our choices, both good and poor, have consequences. 

The family is the place where we learn that I am powerful. And inside of a powerful family unit, I learn how to handle being a powerful person and how to relate to other powerful people. The family is the place where we learn to clean up our messes. The family is the place where we learn to respect and value others.

The family is the place where we learn who we are in Christ.  And with that knowledge in hand, we learn to celebrate who a person is without stumbling over who they are not, while drawing the best of their divine design and imprint to the surface of life for the world to see. This is the process of honor.  Life flows through honor.

The family is the place where we learn maturity.  The process of maturing is simply learning to be your same self no matter the situation or circumstance.  It’s the fruit of self-control. The family is the incubator in which we cultivate demonstrated mastery of self-control.

The family is the place where we learn how love works. Love is rooted in fearlessness. Love always requires a choice. 

The family is the place where we learn the importance of heart to heart connection. The goal of familial relationships is always connection. Solving an issue is never more important than connection. The family demonstrates that being in relationship takes precedence over being right. 

The family is the place where we learn to love God with all of our heart, soul, mind, and strength. It’s the safest place to exhibit passion. The family is the place where we learn to love others as ourselves.  It the safest place to exhibit compassion.

The family is the place where we learn true humility.  True humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less. The family is the place where we learn to serve, learn to love, learn to be generous.

The family is the safest place to fail and the safest place to be ourselves. The family is the place where I learn that I am fully loved. The family is the place where strong, powerful people are created.

When families are restored strength arises.  The word family in the Greek means lineage or bloodline and comes from the root word pater which is the Greek word for Father.

Make your home a place where the love of God is daily demonstrated through the power of God. When we have a personal experience of God loving us and being transformed by that love, we are able to reproduce His love, His life, His honor into our families. When people see healed families, it sticks with them. It makes an impact. May your family reflect the agape love, honor and freedom that permeate all of heaven.

©2012  Felicia Murrell

The Giver

Don’t you just love receiving gifts? I do. A few months ago, some friends were visiting and as we were driving, I started pointing out a few rogue patches of wildflowers that were growing in random places on the highway or roadsides in our area.   

And just off the cuff, perhaps I may have said, “I love wildflowers!”  I do. I love their vibrant colors, I love the way their stems grow long and tall and then bow with the fruit of their flowers. I love the randomness of where they pop up and their ability to thrive and survive in the most obscene and toughest of environments. Or perhaps, I didn’t say anything at all.  Perhaps my pointing out the wildflowers was enough to plant a love idea in my friend’s heart.

Later in that journey, we stopped at a store to pick up a few items. I noticed my friend purchased a bag of potting soil and I remember thinking, “That’s random.” But then, you’d have to know my friends!  When we arrived home, I commenced to saying I love you in the language I know best: cooking and feeding people. As I prepared dinner, I’m oblivious to what’s happening around me.

My friend has taken some spare wood from the woodpile along with some nails and crafted me a planter for my deck.  In it, he dumped soil from that bag of potting soil and embedded wildflower seeds in the soil! Imagine my delight and surprise when he and his wife told me what was inside. 

With great diligence and care, I have watered those seeds. Over the last few weeks, the wildflowers have started flowering. Every time I walk onto my deck, I smile at my planter and remember the gift of love and friendship we share with this amazing couple. 

I marvel at how many people struggle with admitting that their primary love language is gifts. For most, it seems selfish to say I love gifts. I don’t feel that way. When someone gives me a gift, whether it’s the gift of their time – friends sharing a cup of coffee, a glass of wine, great conversation over a good meal; whether it’s an act of service or a physical gift (yes, I honestly love those too!) that gift says more than words could ever say.   

It says: I’ve taken the time to KNOW you.  I UNDERSTAND you.  I am CONNECTED to you. When someone gives me a gift, I feel honored. I feel loved. I feel valued. I feel significant.  I am in awe that someone would take some of their precious time to think about what I would like and then more of their precious time to actually go and purchase that gift for me. It makes me feel so special.

The gift to me says you were thinking about me even when I wasn’t in your presence.  The gift says I am important to you. Because of that, I love giving gifts just as much, if not more than receiving them. I plan my gift giving months in advance. I start thinking about what I’m going to get my kids or my husband for their birthday usually the day after their birthday! Because I want it to say, I love you very much, I’m always on the hunt for just the right thing to convey that.  I want my gift to say, I know you.

As I sat today, enjoying the quiet of my home, Holy Spirit highlighted this love language to me. Father God is the ultimate giver. When He gave us the gift of His Son, He was saying to us, “I KNOW YOU. I understand exactly what you need. And I'm going to give you MORE than what you need. I'm giving you the best. I'm giving you fullness. I'm not just fulfilling the law's requirement; I'm giving you relationship. I know your heart's desire. I'm giving you the gift of grace (divine empowerment, unmerited favor).” 

As I reflect on the gift of salvation through grace, I am honored that I was so important to Papa God that He would give me Jesus. Not only did He give me the gift of Jesus, He's given me the keys to His Kingdom. He's given me His authority. He's given me the mind of Christ. He's given me the gift of the Holy Spirit. When I realize the magnitude of His gifts to me, I begin to see just how much God values me and how significant I am to Him.   

That Father God would grant me the gift of a Comforter who would also be the most amazing friend, confidante, and teacher on the face of this planet is almost unreal.  Every day, I get to commune, walk with, talk to, and partner with the most strategic person I've ever met.  Every day, I get the gift of His kindness crashing in on my life. Every day, I'm gifted with His manifest presence, His abiding peace, His magnificent love for me. I'm gifted to walk alongside and do life with the One who reveals more of Father God and Jesus to me. Talk about James 1:17, “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows,” bursting forth with clarity in my heart! WOW!

As I marveled at the goodness of God, I queried, “If giving gifts is the way I say I love you very much, what have I given to you, Papa? How have I said I know you to you?”  To which He answered, “You gave Me you.  You've submitted yourself in childlike faith to be loved by Me. You, the spotless, unblemished bride fell in love with my Son. You welcome Holy Spirit with abandon. You love others as I have loved you. You draw near. You pursue Me. Your smile is a gift; the color of your eyes. You are my gift.” And so, the melodic answer continued from the heart of Papa God burrowing its way deep into my spirit man. And yet another verse of scripture comes popping alive in my heart, “How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How great is the sum of them! (Ps 139:17)” Oh, that we might receive His magnificent gifts! Oh, that we would offer ourselves as a gift to Him!

All of the five love languages: physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, and gifts accurately portray a part of who God is and who He wants to be to us.  As He is, so are we in this world (1John 4:17). When we love and embrace who we are, when we begin to identify how we hear I love you, how we say I love you to others, it’s easier to show up in our world with self awareness and intentionality. Instead of downplaying those aspects of ourselves that we feel may be misinterpreted, we can embrace and celebrate our uniqueness. 

 I bless you today with permission to be intentionally you. I bless you to evaluate your experiences through the lens of Holy Spirit and grow from them. I bless you to awaken the potential in yourself and others by extending the gift of honor, even when what they carry and walk in is different from you. I call your spirit man to the front and I bless your spirit man to know that YOU are Father’s greatest gift. I bless you to receive the truth that He only gives good and perfect gifts. I bless you to be not only a giver, but also a receiver. May you receive the gift of Father’s love today. May you experience the joy of your salvation today. May your communion with Holy Spirit be deeper and richer today than it was yesterday.

Enjoy the gift of YOU today and enjoy the gift of those around you. But most of all enjoy the gift of Father, Jesus and Holy Spirit.

©Felicia Murrell    2012    All Rights Reserved

A Threefold Cord

God is awakening His kids to living fully loved by God, having the mind of Christ, and cultivating a friendship with Holy Spirit. There is a higher place for us to live from and that place is the Father's heart.

Father God longs for the day when we are so secure in His love for us (who He is to us/who we are in Him) that the cares of life no longer rock us or cause us to be unsettled. When we know who our Daddy is, we can hear His affirmations, whether loudly spoken or softly whispered. We hear Him. Often times, we are seeking someone to give us prophetic words because we are honestly, not hearing God for ourselves or perhaps we're questioning our source of protection, our source of provision, the direction of our life, the strength of His love for us. We need reassurance that we're ok; that life is ok and that we're headed in the right direction. Often times, we find that place of total reliance and confidence in God pockmarked with fear and doubt. Father longs to completely love the fear and doubt away.

When Father God fully loves you and you see Him as He is, you will begin to rest in His protection and provision. When you behold Him, you can easily identify things that are incongruent with His character.

How can we truly begin to know the Father? Everything we need to know about Father God is found in the person of Jesus. According to Hebrews, Jesus is the EXACT representation of the Father. We are transformed (made into the image of Jesus) by the renewing of our mind. How does one possess the mind of Christ exactly? Honestly, I think we already have it. And Peter would agree with me since in 1 Peter we are told that God has giving us everything we need pertaining to life and godliness. Having the mind of Christ means that we have the ability to perceive divine things, to recognize good, to hate evil. It is the ability to perceive, to understand. I believe the mind of Christ is summed up in the word righteousness. This word according to the Greek means rightness or correctness of thinking, acting, and feeling and is used of him whose way of thinking, feeling, and acting is wholly conformed to the will of God, and who therefore needs no rectification (correction or adjustment) in the heart or life. The mind of Christ gives us the ability to live in constancy just as Jesus lived. It gives us the ability to be our same self no matter the situation or circumstance. The mind of Christ eliminates the roller coaster of religious experiences because I no longer live in my circumstances. I live in Jesus. I no longer focus on my problems. I focus on the promises. Why? Because the promises of God are all fulfilled IN HIM (2 Cor. 1:20) and I am in Him. This is the mind of Christ, the ability to recognize good and hate evil. Problems = evil. Promises = good. What do you choose?

 In our friendship with Holy Spirit, we recognize that He is not only in us. He is with us. He is full of wisdom, full of counsel. He is an amazing teacher, the greatest friend. He is our comforter because we're guaranteed to find ourselves in uncomfortable situations. He is the most brilliant strategic planner on the face of the earth today. All of who He is, is available to us every moment of every day of our lives. He longs to talk TO us, hang out WITH us and do life together.

Ecclesiastes tells us that a threefold cord is not easily broken. I believe Father is highlighting these three things for fruitfulness and success: 1) the love of the Father 2) the mind of Christ 3) friendship with Holy Spirit.

The Book of Romans tells us that the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by Holy Spirit. It's hard to receive the Father's love if we've closed our hearts to Holy Spirit. Hebrews tells us that Jesus is the exact representation of the Father. It's inconceivable that one could know Father God and experience His great love without the mind of Christ to perceive and understand it.

What does it look like to be friends with Holy Spirit? How would your life change knowing He is not only in you but also with you, every moment of every day of your life? What does living fully loved by Father God look like to you? What is different today about the way you think, act and feel than before you received the mind of Christ? How can you come into agreement with all Father has and desires for you?

May you be blessed in your journey as your heart is awakened to love.

©Felicia Murrell    2012    All Rights Reserved

By The Riverside

Today’s blog feels like it was ripped from the pages of a diary of a mad black woman.  In Fatherheart School today, we embraced the subject of heart forgiveness.  Now mind you, I’m here as a team member and not a participant and while I readily admit that we’re all on a journey, I didn’t expect my journey today to be one of open-heart surgery.  But that’s exactly what it felt like and of course it left me wondering how many other people struggle with similar issues. So, using myself as a guinea pig, I’ll invite you into the pages of my life and share what Father is doing inside.

As a little girl growing up, I was unfortunate enough to witness my dad physically abuse my mom many times.  On one such occasion, his sisters joined in his attack trying to prevent my mom from fleeing as she was trying to get in our family car and drive away. One grabbed the door, one grabbed the keys from the ignition, another grabbed my mom’s purse and my dad jumped over them to grab my mom.

Adding to that memory, were plenty more that felt like rejection, emotional distancing and just plain dislike. I never felt welcomed in my paternal grandmother’s home, tolerated out of familial obligation, but not “I’m so excited to see you” welcomed. I felt like the dislike they had for my mom was passed on to me. I never experienced love, acceptance or any type of positive emotion inside my paternal grandmother’s home. To be honest, I don’t have one good memory of times spent there. I looked forward to our annual family reunion when people gathered there from different states. It was the only time I felt safe.  The glares were hid discreetly behind the niceties of fellowship with distant relatives. 

For years, even into adulthood, I managed my half of the relationship sending pictures of the kids here or there, going to visit for an hour when I came home. 

One day, as I sat in my Tennessee home reflecting on my childhood, I wondered if I would be missed if I just stopped going ‘down to the house’, as we called it. No one ever called me. No one ever sent cards or pictures to me. I felt like I was having a one sided relationship with people who could care less if I came around or not. So, I stopped visiting altogether.

But, I carried that rejection, that disapproval in my heart for a very long time.  I can’t tell you the number of times, I’ve chosen to forgive or the number of times I’ve repented for judging my paternal family or the number of times I’ve released them from my expectations of what family should be like, literally shredding into thousands of pieces every IOU I held against them.

Someone once said bitterness is when the pain of a memory is as fresh today as it was the day it happened.  You know there’s still heart work to be done, when you look at that person and still feel hate, still feel pain, still want to close your heart and run away.  Because I had chosen to disconnect myself from my family ties, I never had the opportunity to test the strength of my forgiveness towards my dad’s people. That is, until very recently.

A few months ago, my dad was diagnosed with vascular dementia.  That diagnosis, along with other conditions, caused the doctors at the Veteran Hospital to be concerned about his safety as well as the safety of my mother so they chose to hospitalize my dad in the psych ward while looking for bed space for him in a Dementia nursing care facility.  One Sunday, while visiting my dad at the VA hospital, his sisters came to visit.  It was the first time I had seen them in probably 8 years, maybe more.  They walked in. I greeted them with a smile. I felt nothing but love and an overwhelming since of honor that these ladies would love my dad enough to drive 40 minutes to come see him.

I didn’t walk away going, “Yippee!!! I’ve forgiven them!” I didn’t process any emotion or anything. On that day, we all had one thing in common. We loved the man sitting in front of us.  The next day, we moved my dad into his new bed space and while we were there, my mom’s phone rang.  It was my dad’s mother.  She handed me the phone and said your grandmother wants to speak to you. I thought she was referring to her mother.  I said hello and then realized the voice that greeted me back was not my maternal grandmother at all.  My dad’s mother and I spoke for a few minutes and the conversation took place as if time had stood still and it hadn’t been 8 years since I heard her voice. Even my husband remarked at how well the call had gone.

I felt nothing, no anger, no rejection, no ‘you owe me’, no pain of loss relationship…nothing.  Here again, this was a woman with one thing in common with me, we both love the man I was standing in front of: her son, my dad.

Since my dad has been admitted into the nursing home, several things have happened and all those estrogen-laden matriarchal figures want what they think is best for him: my mom, his mom and four sisters.  And their opinions most often don’t agree.  Because they don’t agree, it doesn’t often come out in the prettiest way towards my mom.  Being a few states removed from the scene and my dad no longer able to provide a barrier between “those who love him,” these differences of opinions   started bringing to the surface a lot of old memories and negative emotions towards my paternal family.

Insert Fatherheart lesson here: Trevor is teaching on heart forgiveness and he says, “When I forgive from my heart, my heart changes toward that person.  With Holy Spirit’s help, I can release that person from my unforgiveness and pour the cup of poison I’ve been drinking down the drain. Circumstances of life are just circumstances of life. Heart forgiveness doesn’t mean the person changes or that the circumstance will change.  It means you change.”

As he says this, I write the word HATE in big letters and double underline on my paper.  And then I begin a journal rant, “ I hate them. I hate who they are. I hate how they love. I hate their ridicule. I hate how they treat my mom. I hate that they don’t change, won’t change, don’t care. I hate that they don’t see how their behavior, their control damages our family. “

And I realize, this is too much for me. I need to be alone to process this with Father, Jesus and Holy Spirit. So, I opted to skip our community lunch and lunch alone with the Godhead by the riverside.  There I sat, food and journal in hand, ready to begin again.

As I open my journal to write, I immediately pen these words, “Father, I don’t hate them. Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.” And then I ask Father, what was all that? I’ve forgiven them.

And He said to me, “ Those feelings are a familiar spirit.  Those lies are the voice of the accuser.” The evil one was trying to get me to go back and pick up those negative emotions as if Jesus never took them away.  He almost tricked me into believing that they were mine. 

Once Holy Spirit highlighted the evil one’s scheme to me, I began to journal again, “Father, I forgive them for being unable to love me like I need to be loved.  I forgive them for their lies, for bashing my mom. I forgive them for trying to control everyone’s life. I forgive myself for hating them, for not being able to trust them. From the heart, I forgive them. I am tearing up every I O U and I repent for being critical of them and for judging them.  These are Your kids, God.  And You love them.  Father, give me Your eyes, Your heart for them. Let Your voice, Your words be louder in my spirit than the voice of the accuser.  I’ve closed my heart to them.  I don’t know how to recapture what is lost. Truthfully, Father, I don’t know if I want to. “ And again that old feeling welled up within me, “I HATE THEM,” I railed.

“No, you don’t, “ He said, “you hate the brokenness. You hate the puppetry. You hate that their eyes are blind. I hate that too.  I long for them to know me. I long to be discovered by them. Daughter, just make sure your boundaries aren’t brick walls.”

“I don’t want to be in relationship with them,” I said.

“No one is forcing you to be in relationship with them.  Are you safe? Can you be vulnerable? Do you feel valued? Significant? You’re not required to be in relationship with everyone in the world, “ Father said to me.

Then, I had the thought; “Just because you’re born into a family doesn’t make them family.”

To which Father gently replied, “Even though it’s my desire for you to be family.  There’s something I’ve placed in you, they need and something in them, you need. Beloved, love always requires a choice. “

“Nah, I don’t want that for myself,” I admitted to God, “I can risk loving but it’s not worth the risk.”

Father God says to me, “Remember Redeeming Love (Redeeming Love is a must read fiction novel by Francine Rivers that retells the biblical account of the book, Hosea)?” 

To which I reply, “Yea, but everyone can’t be Hosea.”

Again Father whispers gently on my heart, “ Love always requires a choice.  How have I loved you? “

I answer, “While I was yet in sin, Christ died for me.  Even when I couldn’t love you back. “

Father says to me, “So why are you requiring something of them they can’t give you?”

I answer, “ I’m not. “

Father again, “And yet you’re withholding love because of that.”

I say to Him, “No, I’m just choosing to not be in relationship. There is no connection.“ 

And Daddy God says to me, “ There is the blood.  Don’t repay evil for evil, my beloved. Overcome evil with good. “

“Hmmm,” I reply, “so what does it look like to manage my love towards them in a way that honors You? How do I re-present You to them?”

 Father says, “Are you doing this for Me or you?”

“Oh it would definitely be for you,” I answer truthfully, “I’m not interested in a relationship with them.”

“Why?” Father asks.

To Daddy God, I say, “Because I don’t want to be around them.” That was the nice answer.  My heart said, “I can’t stand the sight of them.”

Dad being Dad, who is more for something than against something doesn’t even address my verbal or heart answer.  He simply says, “So what can you honor about them?”

To which I reply, “ They love their brother and their mom the best way they know how. I feel nothing for them. I don’t hate them. I don’t have remorse or regret. I don’t even feel numb. It’s as if they are strangers. “

Father says, “Then love them like a stranger.  How would you love a stranger?”

I say, “I would speak when spoken to.  I might speak or wave or smile.”

And Papa says to me, “My beloved, start with what you can do. I am the God of increase. I can take a meager lunch and feed thousands. I can take what you offer me and exponentially multiply it.

What did I learn today? What am I hoping you will learn by slicing myself open and sharing my insides with you? John 13:34 reads, “ A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another.” Father always manages His love towards us.

How has the Father loved you?  That commandment didn’t say love the people you like as I have loved you or love the people you get along with, as I have loved you.  So, the question to me and the question to you, how has the Father loved you?

When you can let go of every expectation of what love in return should look like, you are free to love unconditionally.

So what does honor look like in the midst of dysfunction and toxic relationships? Ask God to give you an honoring thought.  If that’s doesn’t come to you, ask yourself, how would you honor a stranger? For me, the answer is easy.  When I don’t know someone and I want to honor them, I always ask Father how He sees that person.  Then I love them through God’s eyes as I hear what He says about them.

Why is this so easy to do for strangers and sometimes not as easy to do for those we are familiar with? I’m not sure.  But I do know that Father hasn’t loved me based on my performance. His love for me is far deeper than what I did do or what I didn’t do. His love for me isn’t based on me getting it right, saying the right things, or even reciprocating love to Him at the right moments. In all of my frailty, in all of my failings, in all of my successes, in all of my confidence, His love never fails. It never gives up on me. So, if I am to love as Father loves, what does that look like?

1 Corinthians 13 is definitely a great place to start. Does this mean for me that I’m running back to my paternal family to reconcile? No, no it doesn’t. It means I’m free to love them right where I am today.  Reconciliation takes two.  Just as I’ve made no effort to connect, neither have they.  No connections = no relationship.

But I am committed to loving them. I am committed to seeing them and honoring them as Father sees them. I am committed to keep no record of wrong, which means I can no longer agree with the evil one every time they do something that reminds of days gone by adding it to my proverbial scorecard of wrong doing. I am committed to suffer long and to be kind. I am committed to not behaving rudely or being provoked. I am committed to NOT thinking evil of my paternal family. I committed to believe and hope that even in this, my relationship with my paternal family, reconciliation and restoration will come. I am committed to boundaries that don’t look like brick walls. Most importantly, I am committed to loving as Father has loved me.

I don’t hate them. I have forgiven from my heart. And today, beside the river, Holy Spirit empowered me with a plan to be more for love and honor than against being betrayed, rejected or hurt.

If you struggle with relational dynamics in your personal, immediate, or extended family, I pray you will grab a hold of the wisdom of Holy Spirit, the love of Father God, and the all sufficient grace that Jesus blood provides for us to love even has you are loved by Father.

I bless your coming in and your going out. I bless you to be bold, be strong, be resolute and confident in whom Daddy God has called you to be. May your face radiate His goodness and your children rise up and call you blessed.

©2012  Felicia Murrell