Thursday, August 27, 2020

Is God Enough?


Christa Black Gifford‘s words, “You have no emptiness in you, for you are filled with God. Which also means, you are already filled with everything you could ever need,” evokes a memory of a conversation some years back that left a deep impression on my soul. It was a convo with a dear friend about something they were desiring, a longing they continuously put before God. And in our conversation, I asked, “Is God enough? If that thing never happened, would God be enough?” And my friend told me, “No.” Then the friend told me that as a minister of the gospel, I should never ever ask someone is God enough and not to repeat the question again. I admit, the rebuke sliced me to the core. I had been careless with my friend’s longings, their unfulfilled desires, hope deferred and in my naïveté, I truly believed, you + God = enough. But what if He isn’t? What if God isn’t everything I need? What then? And now, I find myself wondering ...what if I shift my focus from a perspective of separation - God being a part from, God being out there, distant, afar off. What if I shift from the story of separation to the Truth of oneness with God who is Love, and Spirit, the Source Energy of all life? Does that change my ideas on scarcity, on what exactly is enough, on unfulfilled desires? Is there contentment in embracing Union with God? How does our thoughts shift when we move from the story of separation and lack to one of union and abundance?


 “The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it.” -Eckhart Tolle

Tuesday, August 25, 2020

Judge No More

 I remember being in my mid-40s sitting with a young woman in her mid 20s going through body issues, dieting to the point of almost starvation, judging herself, hating on her body and I got in my car and almost cried. Her state was like an issue. I turned to my 50 year old friend and said, “When does it ever stop?! Who taught us this? Why do we as women do this to ourselves?” 

The mirror gaze shifted something in me. I went home, stripped down, looked myself in the mirror and said. “I’m not judging you. No longer will I judge you. Thank you for holding my frame, for supporting me. For keeping me alive. I will honor you and listen to you. Forgive me for trashing you and devaluing you. I don’t yet know how to fully love or hold you, but I will.”

In that moment, I made peace with my body. And whenever my mind slips into recrimination and criticism, I return to the mirror and say, “I’m not judging you. I’m not judging you.”


Moments of darkness are an invitation to integrate the things I’m reading and learning with how I’m living. Paul Young would simply call it wholeness, where the truth of our being matches the way of our being and we are fully human and fully alive. I call it integrity in the spiritual practices I adhere to - it’s how we let the Light shine.


The only thing Love doesn’t call good in the Judaic creation story is separation, evening and morning is one day. Learn to live with what is, trusting that Love is good and only good allows me to live with open hands and an open heart, embracing it all that is while looking for the light.


Sit With It:

  1. How have you participated with self-judgment?
  2. What does the mirror say when you gaze at yourself? 
  3. Where is the light shining through in the ordinariness of your everyday life? 
  4. How do you integrate what you are reading and learning into your way of being?
  5. What spiritual practices do you adhere to? 

Your True Self

 Encountering Love is an encounter with your deepest self. Paul Young says wholeness is when the truth of your being matches the way of your being. 

We don’t decide to be loving, love is who you are. Your truest self is a divine expression of beauty, truth and goodness. 


Your truest self is the presence of Love existing wide open, uncovered and unashamed in interior freedom. 


Freedom from your false self. Freedom from the superficial programs for happiness we invest in to protect us from humiliation and unmet needs of the past. 


Unrestrained freedom is absolute well-being, and at our core, the truth of our being is Love. 


Sit With It: 

  1. What program for happiness do you over identify with when you feel afraid?
  2. How does fear keep from experiencing unrestrained freedom?
  3. How have you compromised the way of your being to prevent humiliation?
  4. What does beauty, truth and goodness look like expressed through my life?

Surviving Together

 I crawled on top of Bae and buried my face into his neck, my tears warming his skin. Grateful 28+ years of incredible loving and living - oh, the adventures that we’ve shared together. I thanked him for the life he’s worked to give us, holding the ups and downs. Every immature and bad decision, and the growth we’ve both experienced in the process. 


I’m grateful that he is alive. Grateful that it’s not worse than it is. Grateful that this does not have to end in death, and yet I wept into his neck. How could this be our life, our new rhythm? How could it not? 


The Mystery of the Ages has always included fellowship with suffering. Do you we survive? Do we thrive? Do we own illness as an identity? Do we revel in victim and pity? Or do we look life straight in the eye, see its pain and its beauty? 


Our choice is sacred. In fact, conscious awareness of what we are choosing is one of the deepest spiritual acts we can embrace. We co-create our lives with our choices. With each choice we make, we either walk toward love or away from it toward fear. The most profound choice we can make, even as we participate in the fellowship of suffering, is to say yes to Love.


My tears, while a lament for this place on our journey, were also a cleansing. The salty mixture a place of alchemy. The release came unbidden, something akin to letting go of a pent up burden. The what ifs, how comes, and fear of the unknown held captive in my psyche released from pores as I held onto his neck. His arms wrapped around me. As we deep inhaled and exhaled, the rise and fall of our bellies and chest like a dance, the peace between us became something otherworldly. 


I climbed off Bae and went to sleep.


Sit With It:

What are you grateful for?


Can you recognize growth in your journey? How do you honor the progress?


How have you learned to hold the tension of life situations? How do you hold space for suffering?


Are you cognizant of your choices? What emotional issues are attached to your choices?


What do you do as an intentional practice to release stress, tension, and anxiety from your cellular memory? 

On Becoming

 Only the whole carries the Mystery. A single individual - one part alone is too small, too temporal, too isolated, too insecure to carry the weight of life’s journey alone. 


Integral consciousness looks more like a holon than a hierarchal power structure where one lords over the other. The sum of the whole equals its parts. Becoming holistic, in part and in whole, will lend to greater expressions of equity and equality. 


The process of becoming whole is an invitation into paradox, a dance of tension between the uncertainties of life and the certainty of Divine Love. Love moves us from a conditioned transactional response of begging the Divine Magic Genie or other human beings to rescue, fix, deliver us from pain, send money quick to participation in other centered, self giving relationships based on mutuality. 


Becoming is not a place we arrive at. It is saying yes to an on-going, infinite evolutionary process that is lived out day to day as we dance with love. Love is our True Self. The one who fears has not come into wholeness in the matter of being loved. Becoming is the journey from fear to love.


Becoming is our unique expression of Love thrumming its song and weaving its thread through us individually as we participate with the Divine in service to others. Billions of scores blended together in Love creating a cosmic symphony, one masterful tapestry. We are a part of the ocean and the ocean is a part of us or as the Wisdom Teacher Jesus says, we are vines in living union with the branch as our Source. 


Sit With It:

  1. If it’s more about how we journey through the process of becoming than it is about arriving at some point, could there be a greater purpose to your being here than what you thought?
  2. What does Love look like expressed through my life?
  3. What does Love spilled over look like in our community today?
  4. In what ways am I becoming? How have I recognized myself as part of the whole? 
  5. How am I coming into wholeness in the matter of being loved? 

Sunday Sermon

 Happy Sunday! Let me tell y’all what’s hypocritical AF... Folk who go to church on Sunday and worship the King of the Jews. Support Donald Trump, the self proclaimed King of the Jew. Vote for and support national welfare to Israel (yes, we give them billions of dollars each year) while whining and complaining that universal healthcare or free tuition for college is excessive and exorbitant. Yet, Israel, with our government handout bankrolling their small country, offers both universal healthcare AND free college to their citizens. While small business owners in our country can’t afford healthcare or to maintain their businesses in the face of dire illness. Either we’re woefully uninformed as a people or intentionally turning a blind eye.  And yes, I feel some kind of way about it. 


Cis white conservative patriarchy is not the only mirror for Divine Love. I know we’ve all been colonized to believe assimilation is the only way to God. But who are we to say someone does not bear the Image because it’s not our idea of the Image? Yea, I’m speaking to those promoting conversion therapy. The shame these tactics create alliances with evil that keep us separated, hiding from ourselves and others instead of speaking to the good of our connection and interdependence. Free people to be who they feel called to be. No one has the right to police the personhood of another. 


Red tape on our mouths to save the babies and laugh lines, firm brows and a nod of the head when prisoners are executed on death row because we so high and mighty, we get to determine who deserves an opportunity to live and who doesn’t. In the words of your own King, “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You shut the door of the kingdom of heaven in people's faces....You travel over land and sea to win a single convert, and when you have succeeded, you make them twice as much a child of hell as you are.... Woe to you, blind guides! You blind fools! .... You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel. Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean. Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean. In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness.”


May the scales fall from our eyes and our hearts be enlarged with compassion. May the other become us and may our scarcity mindset and fear of loss of power give way to generosity and equality. 


Yes, let’s do help Israel AND Palestine. There’s more than enough. Yes, let’s champion the unborn AND the incarcerated on death row. There’s more than enough for both. Let’s stop talking from our heads while sitting on our watoosies. Let’s stop swinging from the poles lost in tension of opposites and find balance in humility, understanding and listening - even when we’re uncomfortable with someone else’s lifestyle. Can we choose quiet instead of condemnation?


Take a day and experience the injustice of the oppressed. Ivory castle ideas that haven’t been forged in the fire break under pressure of sustained heat. 


Justice is love lived in our actions and acknowledgment of humanity, no matter how alike or different that human is. Justice is right alignment. Every person on the planet has the right to exist in their own skin and to walk out their journey with the Divine in their way without my policing their path based on my agreement with their decisions or my own personal beliefs. 


How uncomfortable does my ideas make you? Can you challenge the worldview of your own “yeah but...”? Trace it back to its origin. Who told you that? Where did those ideas come from? Are they rooted in Love or passed down from someone else’s discomfort?