I remember being in my mid-40s sitting with a young woman in her mid 20s going through body issues, dieting to the point of almost starvation, judging herself, hating on her body and I got in my car and almost cried. Her state was like an issue. I turned to my 50 year old friend and said, “When does it ever stop?! Who taught us this? Why do we as women do this to ourselves?”
The mirror gaze shifted something in me. I went home, stripped down, looked myself in the mirror and said. “I’m not judging you. No longer will I judge you. Thank you for holding my frame, for supporting me. For keeping me alive. I will honor you and listen to you. Forgive me for trashing you and devaluing you. I don’t yet know how to fully love or hold you, but I will.”
In that moment, I made peace with my body. And whenever my mind slips into recrimination and criticism, I return to the mirror and say, “I’m not judging you. I’m not judging you.”
Moments of darkness are an invitation to integrate the things I’m reading and learning with how I’m living. Paul Young would simply call it wholeness, where the truth of our being matches the way of our being and we are fully human and fully alive. I call it integrity in the spiritual practices I adhere to - it’s how we let the Light shine.
The only thing Love doesn’t call good in the Judaic creation story is separation, evening and morning is one day. Learn to live with what is, trusting that Love is good and only good allows me to live with open hands and an open heart, embracing it all that is while looking for the light.
Sit With It:
- How have you participated with self-judgment?
- What does the mirror say when you gaze at yourself?
- Where is the light shining through in the ordinariness of your everyday life?
- How do you integrate what you are reading and learning into your way of being?
- What spiritual practices do you adhere to?
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